The Pizza Parlor Sandwich Steak Sub WITH PIZZA SAUCE AND CHEESE

Today at work I noticed a commercial for a steak sandwich at Jack in the Box. I'm not the biggest fan of Steak but I do enjoy a good steak sandwich. As luck would have it the only sandwich available for me to review was just that ... well not exactly. This bad boy boasted pizza sauce and cheese? Anyone reading this is probably thinking "OK, I understand cheese on a steak sandwich ... but what's with the pizza sauce?"

Beats the ever loving Christ outta me. All I do know is that it's damn good.

Oops I lied. The Pizza Parlor Sandwich Steak Sub WITH PIZZA SAUCE AND CHEESE is not good. In fact the only thing good about it would've been if after removing it from the microwave it had fallen on the floor, forcing me to abandon it in the nearest trash can. I could have left it on the floor for some poor animal to sup upon, but even the mice that infest this building deserve better.

Doubt crept into my mind as I noticed the peculiar shape of this "steak". It isn't often that I've seen a steak attain a near perfect oval shape. My suspicions were confirmed upon my first bite. Yep, this was no steak. It was ground beef loosely formed into a patty ... and when I say loose I fucking mean loose. Biting into it is not pleasant. The beef (at least I hope to Christ that's what it really is ...) has a grainy consistency to it that utterly revolted me after just a second in my mouth. As for the pizza sauce, it was super sweet, almost as if it were fortified with sugar. Who the fuck is the chef that made it? The god damned Kool-Aid man? I suppose since the bread was spongy and sweet then Sara Lee was right next to him in the kitchen baking bun.

This was truly a dreadful experience. Yes, I took one bite and wanted to swear off vending machine food for the rest of my life. And that was before I even finished chewing. A span of 2 minutes must have gone by as I glared at the sandwich, trying to both convince myself to take another bite and simultaneously argue that no one should be subjected to such punishment. In the end my devotion to my blog won out. I took that second bite and have learned something very important that will benefit mankind.

There is no god.

1/5 Bites.