I've gotten a lot of questions about why I haven't written a blog in a while. No, I'm serious, people actually give a shit about this blog and I think that's awesome. The reason for the low activity is not due to cowardice but because of a lack of new sandwiches to try. I'm proud to say that drought has passed and today I bring forth a new review! Let's get down!
Today I noticed a story that loudly proclaimed how researchers had genetically engineered onions that didn't cause tears when they were cut. After eating the cleverly titled Big Az Country Fried Chicken Breast Patty with Cheese my guess is those same scientists genetically engineered the chicken patty to pack as much sodium and fat into it as possible whilst maintaining the flavor profile of slightly wet burlap.
If shit were cheese then this sandwich just had an enema were my thoughts as I removed this from the wrapper. Cheese had squirted all over one side of the bun and pooled into the corner of the wrapper like pus from some gangrenous wound. I noticed how big the "breast" was and foolishly allowed my hopes to rise just a tad. Could it really be?
My first bite confirmed my immediate suspicion ... a suspicion that any reader that has read my chicken sandwich blogs on this site should be familiar with: faux chicken breast. Though the Big Az claims to be chicken breast, it is in fact simply ground chicken parts formed into a breast-like shape. I don't like to think of what those parts might be before I eat the sandwich and I definitely enjoy such thoughts even less when I bite into something rubbery or hard. The interior of the breast looked like a torn foam mattress and was very chewy, like eating the glue used for paper mache. On the areas of chicken that were covered with excessive cheese it almost tasted as if I were chewing on a soggy Cheeto. The only difference is that there are probably more nutrients in Cheetos.
Like other sandwiches from this machine the bun was very sweet and chewy. Giving the bun a run for it's money was the breading on the chicken, which was sweeter than a plate of yams with extra syrup. I can't say the experience was a dreadful one as much as it was pointless. If I were to plan to eat shit food teeming with fat it sure as hell better at least taste good. If flavorless food is a must, eat a sack of rice cakes instead. At least you won't be saddled with the ungodly amount of fat that this thing has.
2.5 pointless bites out of 5.
10 comments:
I really wish that I had read your post prior to foolishly buying the sandwich that I just finished eating. I do have to give the makers of the Big Az Country Fried Chicken Breast Patty with Cheese that they are apparently consistent, as the sandwich that I just finished was precisely as you described. I've had vegetarian "chicken patties" that were more convincing than that in the Big Az Country Fried Chicken Breast Patty with Cheese. Abandon all hopes of flavor or nutrition. Eating this sandwich is much like eating a couch cushion covered in ejaculate. Or at least as pleasant as one could imagine that to be.
this sandwich is great if you are starving. who cares about the taste..I'd eat the dumpster food behind bk if i had too. if your not starving then please be warned this sandwich is like eating a sponge used to clean the jizz at a 24hr jackshack.Not that i've tried that.
Well, this guy at work eats those all the time.. so I tried one tonight.. and either I was starving or that was pretty good. I just want to know the fat, calories and sodium.. So, I don't eat it again.. I would buy this..
Your review are 2 yrs. old. so maybe they improved..
I love those damn sandwiches.
Just ate one of these... as I was starving. All the bad descriptions heres are pretty accurate. Tasteless sponge with masses of fat and sodium. I actually had the Spickey Chicken with Cheese version.
According to the makers' website:
850 cal.
42g fat (14g sat. !!)
100mg cholestorol
2070mg sodium!!
(http://www.pierrefoods.com/products/0622_Spicy-Chicken-Sandwich-with-Cheese.aspx)
Either they changed or we have different tastes (apparently :P ) I love these things they are so addictive to.
I just finished this sandwhich and couldn't finish the rest of it because I bit into a ROCK!! Yesss a rock!! I couldn't believe it! It nearly chipped my tooth! I feel like throwing up it's soo disgusting!!! The rock was about a half the size of a marble!!!
I've had TWO of them, and they were absolutely delicious.. But in all fairness, that's only because I HEAVILY MODIFIED them.. When I was much younger, the Boy Scouts taught me to "Be prepared." So before I ever TASTED this sandwich, I already anticipated THREE things about it:
1.) First of all, I knew the recommended two minutes wouldn't be NEARLY enough cooking time in MY microwave (which is old & sluggish), even though my sandwich was already defrosted.. So the first time I made one, I cooked it for four minutes and thirty-nine seconds instead! ..That made it a little extra hard, but that's kinda the way I LIKE to eat chicken.. The bun tasted like it WAS ONCE soggy (say, if I'd stopped it from cooking, after about two minutes), but since I cooked it extra long, much of the sogginess had evaporated (not ALL, but just the right amount), so it was actually kinda NICE.. At this point, I ALSO anticipated:
2.) That the sandwich would be DRY, and need some sort of sauce, or condiment, and:
3.) Since I LOVE cheese, I knew the amount of cheese the sandwich CAME with would not be enough to even TASTE (considering the size of the chicken patty)..
SO: I took the top bun off, sprinkled a generous amount of Kraft shredded mild cheddar (not my FIRST choice of cheeses for a chicken sandwich, but it was the only cheese I HAD in the fridge at the time), and I also happened to have a spare packet of "Sweet Chili" sauce sitting around, from McDonald's (it's for dipping their nuggets, or chicken selects in).. I spread THAT whole packet, on the sandwich, with the extra cheese I already mentioned, & put the top bun back on.. I was hungry.. It was after 2AM, and I tore that sandwich UP! It was AWESOME!
..So a few days later, I got ANOTHER one, but THIS time, I knew I wanted to experiment with different cheeses & condiments.. I thought, "Swiss or provalone would probably be nice, or pepper-jack if I'm feeling adventurous.. And for the sauce, either Miracle Whip, or some type of sweet spicy mustard, or just hot sauce, perhaps.." -- Ultimately, what I ended up GOING with, was: Swiss & BBQ sauce! I wanted a really GOOD BBQ sauce.. So I chose Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce (original flavor -- NOT their honey, or spicy, or garlic, or any of those crappy varieties -- stick with the original), then add a drop of Wright's Liquid Smoke, to make it taste like it was cooked outside.. And a quick sprinkle of Old Bay Seasoning. This time, the sandwich was EVEN BETTER!
Over-all, I'm TELLING you guys: This sandwich might SUCK on it's OWN, but for the price, if you can pick one up at a convenience store, on a late-night HUNGER mission, and you have some CONDIMENTS sitting around, and you know how to HOOK IT UP, and MAKE IT good, then it becomes WORTH it, in my opinion. Sorry for being long-winded.. But yeah. That's how I feel.. Cheers! :)
When I'm S-T-A-R-V-I-N-G at work, this is my go-to sandwich. (About twice per year)
As previously stated, it requires a random packet of sauce, just like tofu, it will take on the flavor of the sauce, so choose carefully.
Would be paired splendedly with a nice house wine- perhaps a dry white-- like the sandwich.
Chic fil a honey roasted bbq made this sandwich a soggy dream come true in my mouth. You guys are funny as hell but make me wonder with all the semen talk. Hopefully you dont use that as a condiment.
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