I had no idea that my journey to the vending machine would cause such a stir. I hadn't even made it three steps down the hall before my excellent friend Brett noticed me heading in the direction of the vending machine and voiced his desire to accompany me and watch as I selected today's taste treat. We stood before the vending machine for about, oh, 2 seconds before yet another friend, Andrew, joined us to watch as well. Kind of cool that people actually look forward to this blog. Thanks everyone.
The geniuses at Fast Choice Sandwiches likely sought to make a statement when they came up with today's sandwich. If the makers of the sandwich I had last week had named this sandwich it'd probably be called The Juicy Tasty Hot Sandwich Grilled Chicken Honey Mustard Hot Sandwich. Instead they kept it simple and went with the name Honey Mustard Chicken. In essence they're saying we Americans are busy and they recognize it. We don't need to waste our precious time reading useless words. That's why they give us sandwiches that heat up in 40 seconds and limit the syllables in each word of the name to no more than two! I aint got time for no extra syllables bitch! I'm an American!
The sandwich itself is simple too. No cheese, no ranch dressing, no veggies. Just chicken, bun, and honey mustard. Or so the package said. After the last two weeks I had to wonder if the honey mustard would be splattered all over the top of the sandwich when I took it from the microwave. Once heated and removed from the packaging the exact opposite happened. I didn't see any honey mustard anywhere! It certainly was not slathered all over the interior of the packaging. Nor was it under the bun on either side. I could smell it, along with a faintly chicken smell and the aroma of slightly singed plastic. As I lifted the chicken itself to check underneath it, I realized they had somehow coated the chicken in honey mustard that wasn't visible to the eye. How do I know? Because like the last two weeks that shit stuck to me like the leeches on poor Gordie's balls in Stand by Me!
Another couple quick thoughts on the packaging: the chicken is pictured with lovely looking grill lines. In reality the chicken in this sandwich had faint markings that sort of resembled grill lines or something akin to the look of lines a second grader might have lazily drawn onto it with a pencil. Also, in the upper corner of the packaging it says "New Package Same Great Taste". Oh really?
Since this is the first time I'm trying this sandwich I can't say whether or not it lives up to that claim. I'd say it does ... if the last sandwich sported a sticky bun that collected the moisture of the heating microwave like a rain barrel collects ... erm ... rain. The texture of the chicken was just plain bad. I swear it conjured images of the flesh that hung off my dearly departed great grandmother's elbows. Similar in color to said flesh too. There was a peculiar squashed look to the sandwich. Almost as if the final touch the chef put on it was to have a five year old midget sit on it for a couple seconds. Plus top of the bun seemed stuck at an awkward angle like a hat on a drunken sailor.
I know I keep referring back to the chicken sandwich I ate a couple weeks ago and I'm about to do so again. I believe I pondered that any sandwich is going to taste leagues better once it's been covered in cheese and dressing that has enough fat to clog every major artery in a Narwhale. The reason I bring that up is because after one bite I was completely convinced that the chicken patty in this sandwich is exactly the same as the one two weeks ago. Though it looks like it is a chicken breast a discerning eye (and mouth) will absolutely see that its chicken (which parts only god knows) ground up and pressed into a breast-like shape. It tasted exactly like the "breast" of two weeks ago: only vaguely like chicken and with an odd consistency that kids in kindergarten would probably compare to their favorite paste. The bun became sticky as I chewed it too, combining with the chicken to coat my mouth like poorly mixed Cream of Wheat. This sandwich definitely begged for something to cover up for the taste. While certainly edible and not down right horrible, none other than the most furiously starved will find this palatable at all. 2/5 bites.
The geniuses at Fast Choice Sandwiches likely sought to make a statement when they came up with today's sandwich. If the makers of the sandwich I had last week had named this sandwich it'd probably be called The Juicy Tasty Hot Sandwich Grilled Chicken Honey Mustard Hot Sandwich. Instead they kept it simple and went with the name Honey Mustard Chicken. In essence they're saying we Americans are busy and they recognize it. We don't need to waste our precious time reading useless words. That's why they give us sandwiches that heat up in 40 seconds and limit the syllables in each word of the name to no more than two! I aint got time for no extra syllables bitch! I'm an American!
The sandwich itself is simple too. No cheese, no ranch dressing, no veggies. Just chicken, bun, and honey mustard. Or so the package said. After the last two weeks I had to wonder if the honey mustard would be splattered all over the top of the sandwich when I took it from the microwave. Once heated and removed from the packaging the exact opposite happened. I didn't see any honey mustard anywhere! It certainly was not slathered all over the interior of the packaging. Nor was it under the bun on either side. I could smell it, along with a faintly chicken smell and the aroma of slightly singed plastic. As I lifted the chicken itself to check underneath it, I realized they had somehow coated the chicken in honey mustard that wasn't visible to the eye. How do I know? Because like the last two weeks that shit stuck to me like the leeches on poor Gordie's balls in Stand by Me!
Another couple quick thoughts on the packaging: the chicken is pictured with lovely looking grill lines. In reality the chicken in this sandwich had faint markings that sort of resembled grill lines or something akin to the look of lines a second grader might have lazily drawn onto it with a pencil. Also, in the upper corner of the packaging it says "New Package Same Great Taste". Oh really?
Since this is the first time I'm trying this sandwich I can't say whether or not it lives up to that claim. I'd say it does ... if the last sandwich sported a sticky bun that collected the moisture of the heating microwave like a rain barrel collects ... erm ... rain. The texture of the chicken was just plain bad. I swear it conjured images of the flesh that hung off my dearly departed great grandmother's elbows. Similar in color to said flesh too. There was a peculiar squashed look to the sandwich. Almost as if the final touch the chef put on it was to have a five year old midget sit on it for a couple seconds. Plus top of the bun seemed stuck at an awkward angle like a hat on a drunken sailor.
I know I keep referring back to the chicken sandwich I ate a couple weeks ago and I'm about to do so again. I believe I pondered that any sandwich is going to taste leagues better once it's been covered in cheese and dressing that has enough fat to clog every major artery in a Narwhale. The reason I bring that up is because after one bite I was completely convinced that the chicken patty in this sandwich is exactly the same as the one two weeks ago. Though it looks like it is a chicken breast a discerning eye (and mouth) will absolutely see that its chicken (which parts only god knows) ground up and pressed into a breast-like shape. It tasted exactly like the "breast" of two weeks ago: only vaguely like chicken and with an odd consistency that kids in kindergarten would probably compare to their favorite paste. The bun became sticky as I chewed it too, combining with the chicken to coat my mouth like poorly mixed Cream of Wheat. This sandwich definitely begged for something to cover up for the taste. While certainly edible and not down right horrible, none other than the most furiously starved will find this palatable at all. 2/5 bites.
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