No, the title of todays blog isn't the name of a new line of Trojans for men with tiny penises, it's the sandwich I'm reviewing. I'm sure it will come as a disappointment to many that this particular sandwich is not in the league of the Double Beef Stacker or the faux McRib. From the description on the package there was little about it to cause me any sort of concern. It wasn't a long preserved beef patty that had surely seen it's best days when it was originally cooked nor was it comprised of ground bits of pork from unmentionable areas of the pig.
Before you call me a pussy let me explain: the pickins were dry as a bone in the good ol' Wheel of Death (vending machine). Aside from the Mini Rip-n-Dip there were some Taquitos and a couple small packages of milk, neither of which are suitable for these reviews. Lady luck dealt me a pretty magnanimous hand. Hopefully next week we'll be graced with something a bit more challenging.
So why is this sandwich not challenging? Well as the package states the Mini Rip-n-Dip is "Pepperoni & Cheese in a Crispy Crust with Dipping Sauce". The sauce is mentioned again on the label at the very top of the package. "WITH OUR FAMOUS DIPPING SAUCE!" it proudly proclaims. Is it worthy of such high praise? Let's find out!
At first glance I thought this sandwich was like a bagel sandwich, something most of us who ever were forced to take a Home-Ec class in middle school would be familiar with. As I pulled the sadwich from the package I realized that it was more like a wannabe calzone. Nestled into a hollowed out center was a tiny little container that housed the so called "FAMOUS" dipping sauce.
Once it came out of the microwave I gingerly dug in. I couldn't help but notice the spongy quality of the "Crispy Crust" as I took the first bite. Not terrible. Though I heated it to the exact specifications (and truthfully about 15 seconds longer than the package advised) it was still
not 100% heated throughout. I wouldn't call it cold by any means but it sure as hell wasn't hot. Inside the cheese didn't taste bad but perhaps most disconcerting of all was the red liquid-like substance that resembled tomato sauce but shouldn't have been since the filling ingredients didn't list them. Speaking of ingredients, pepperoni is the first listed ingredient but I could barely taste it behind the rampage of overly gooey cheese.
As for the "FAMOUS DIPPING SAUCE" all I can do is wonder what it's famous for. Giving people diabetes would be my guess as this shit was sweeter than honey bear's diarrhea. It too wasn't fully heated even though I followed the directions on the package.
Though I've complained about this thing it wasn't that bad. Certainly edible enough if someone were in a food pinch. I really feel badly for someone who relies on food like this every day though. Perusing the label I discovered the Rip-n-Dip has almost 400 calories and just under half of the fat intake of a 2,000 calorie diet. Plus, my guess is that if you smeared this sandwich on a cadaver you could preserve it better than any of the ancient Egyptian techniques ever could have. A sure promise of instant morbid obesity!
3/5 bites.
Before you call me a pussy let me explain: the pickins were dry as a bone in the good ol' Wheel of Death (vending machine). Aside from the Mini Rip-n-Dip there were some Taquitos and a couple small packages of milk, neither of which are suitable for these reviews. Lady luck dealt me a pretty magnanimous hand. Hopefully next week we'll be graced with something a bit more challenging.
So why is this sandwich not challenging? Well as the package states the Mini Rip-n-Dip is "Pepperoni & Cheese in a Crispy Crust with Dipping Sauce". The sauce is mentioned again on the label at the very top of the package. "WITH OUR FAMOUS DIPPING SAUCE!" it proudly proclaims. Is it worthy of such high praise? Let's find out!
At first glance I thought this sandwich was like a bagel sandwich, something most of us who ever were forced to take a Home-Ec class in middle school would be familiar with. As I pulled the sadwich from the package I realized that it was more like a wannabe calzone. Nestled into a hollowed out center was a tiny little container that housed the so called "FAMOUS" dipping sauce.
Once it came out of the microwave I gingerly dug in. I couldn't help but notice the spongy quality of the "Crispy Crust" as I took the first bite. Not terrible. Though I heated it to the exact specifications (and truthfully about 15 seconds longer than the package advised) it was still
not 100% heated throughout. I wouldn't call it cold by any means but it sure as hell wasn't hot. Inside the cheese didn't taste bad but perhaps most disconcerting of all was the red liquid-like substance that resembled tomato sauce but shouldn't have been since the filling ingredients didn't list them. Speaking of ingredients, pepperoni is the first listed ingredient but I could barely taste it behind the rampage of overly gooey cheese.As for the "FAMOUS DIPPING SAUCE" all I can do is wonder what it's famous for. Giving people diabetes would be my guess as this shit was sweeter than honey bear's diarrhea. It too wasn't fully heated even though I followed the directions on the package.
Though I've complained about this thing it wasn't that bad. Certainly edible enough if someone were in a food pinch. I really feel badly for someone who relies on food like this every day though. Perusing the label I discovered the Rip-n-Dip has almost 400 calories and just under half of the fat intake of a 2,000 calorie diet. Plus, my guess is that if you smeared this sandwich on a cadaver you could preserve it better than any of the ancient Egyptian techniques ever could have. A sure promise of instant morbid obesity!
3/5 bites.
No comments:
Post a Comment