In a way I was dreading today's blog. On my first day back at work I noticed the only remaining slot of sandwiches in the vending machine was the dreaded barbecue pork patty sandwich. As I've said in my other blogs, this was something I found even more revolting than the sandwich this blog is named after, the Double Beef Stacker.
When I passed the vending machine this morning I was stunned to see that the wheel of death had been filled. Almost as if those late night shoe making elves had paid a visit bearing in hand over processed additive laden sandwiches instead of shoe making materials and tools. Just yesterday I had made a pass in front of the machine to check and see if any other options had materialized. As of 1PM yesterday it still only contained the stomach wrenching pork sandwich.
So what were the choices today? Other than the spicy pork "rib" patty (translation: ground pieces of pork cast off by butchers and even desperate vermin not willing to sink so low, pulverized and formed into a rib shaped patty) there was an odd sandwich that claimed to be a pizza parlor steak sandwich (steak sandwich with mozzarella and pizza sauce), more Rip-n-Dips, and something called a Big A Angus Charbroil with Cheese. Upon further inspection I realized that this sandwich was a burger.
Initially I decided to try the Steak sandwich as I was too afraid of the ground beef in the Charbroil. After an intense inner debate with myself I changed my mind. If I take the easy way out this blog won't be a challenge and it probably will be even less interesting to read than it is now. I simply shook my head as I punched the buttons of the Charbroil into the vending machine, in total disbelief I was going to subject my body and palate to the equivalent of a culinary colostomy bag.
After microwaving the sandwich to the specs listed on the packaging I sat down to half heartedly dig in. I have to admit, it truly didn't smell bad and was certainly more appealing in terms of aroma than appearance. The bread had that nice slimy look stagnant water gets after oh, about 2 months. To be fair, this was certainly because the directions advise to cook the burger in it's wrapper, which though vented by a tiny opening before cooking, would still cause condensation inside the wrapper.
The beef was also intimidating. It had an odd orange and gray cast to it. The gray reminded me of the abortion of a burger my high school cafeteria used to serve.
Now here's where I have to apologize. When I first ate the Rip-n-Dip I assumed it would be the tastiest (considering its competition) item I'd eat from the vending machine and therefore be the recipient of the kindest blog in this series. So today I figured I'd be making up for last week's entry in which I paired myself off with the Rip-n-Dip.
Sadly I have to say the Big A Angus Charbroil with Cheese wasn't bad. No, fuck it, it was actually pretty good. A country mile better than what I remember a McDonald's burger to be like and something I didn't mind eating at all. Well aside from the fact that I knew it had to be swimming with fat, cholesterol, and preservatives. The bread, though microwaved wasn't a soggy mass and the beef was actually juicy and tasty. The first few bites as a matter of fact were tasted without any ketchup or mustard, a sure testament to just how good this thing was. I didn't eat the whole thing, but I easily could have had I been more hungry. To top it off, I never bit into any nausea inducing bone fragments or cartilage like I was expecting.
I didn't notice any health info on the packaging. I'd love to know how this compares to a regular fast food burger in that regard. 4.5/5 bites.
When I passed the vending machine this morning I was stunned to see that the wheel of death had been filled. Almost as if those late night shoe making elves had paid a visit bearing in hand over processed additive laden sandwiches instead of shoe making materials and tools. Just yesterday I had made a pass in front of the machine to check and see if any other options had materialized. As of 1PM yesterday it still only contained the stomach wrenching pork sandwich.
So what were the choices today? Other than the spicy pork "rib" patty (translation: ground pieces of pork cast off by butchers and even desperate vermin not willing to sink so low, pulverized and formed into a rib shaped patty) there was an odd sandwich that claimed to be a pizza parlor steak sandwich (steak sandwich with mozzarella and pizza sauce), more Rip-n-Dips, and something called a Big A Angus Charbroil with Cheese. Upon further inspection I realized that this sandwich was a burger.
Initially I decided to try the Steak sandwich as I was too afraid of the ground beef in the Charbroil. After an intense inner debate with myself I changed my mind. If I take the easy way out this blog won't be a challenge and it probably will be even less interesting to read than it is now. I simply shook my head as I punched the buttons of the Charbroil into the vending machine, in total disbelief I was going to subject my body and palate to the equivalent of a culinary colostomy bag.
After microwaving the sandwich to the specs listed on the packaging I sat down to half heartedly dig in. I have to admit, it truly didn't smell bad and was certainly more appealing in terms of aroma than appearance. The bread had that nice slimy look stagnant water gets after oh, about 2 months. To be fair, this was certainly because the directions advise to cook the burger in it's wrapper, which though vented by a tiny opening before cooking, would still cause condensation inside the wrapper.
The beef was also intimidating. It had an odd orange and gray cast to it. The gray reminded me of the abortion of a burger my high school cafeteria used to serve.
Now here's where I have to apologize. When I first ate the Rip-n-Dip I assumed it would be the tastiest (considering its competition) item I'd eat from the vending machine and therefore be the recipient of the kindest blog in this series. So today I figured I'd be making up for last week's entry in which I paired myself off with the Rip-n-Dip.
Sadly I have to say the Big A Angus Charbroil with Cheese wasn't bad. No, fuck it, it was actually pretty good. A country mile better than what I remember a McDonald's burger to be like and something I didn't mind eating at all. Well aside from the fact that I knew it had to be swimming with fat, cholesterol, and preservatives. The bread, though microwaved wasn't a soggy mass and the beef was actually juicy and tasty. The first few bites as a matter of fact were tasted without any ketchup or mustard, a sure testament to just how good this thing was. I didn't eat the whole thing, but I easily could have had I been more hungry. To top it off, I never bit into any nausea inducing bone fragments or cartilage like I was expecting.
I didn't notice any health info on the packaging. I'd love to know how this compares to a regular fast food burger in that regard. 4.5/5 bites.
1 comment:
Just ate one, too. Luckily, I had some fresh mayo packs, which I slathered on -- in no way helping the fat content of what is admittedly already REALLY REALLY bad for you -- but I agree: it wasn't half bad. When it's storming and raining and cold outside like it is today, this will become my alternate go-to lunch food out of the machine after my Maruchen Noodles.
Thanks for posting!
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