Unfortunately I feel like a world class failure at the moment. As I sat down to eat this week's sandwich I attempted to take a picture of it with my phone but was denied via a "LOW BATTERY!" warning. Yes, the phone apparently had enough juice to warn me that the battery was low but not enough to take a mother loving picture!
Don't be fooled! Though the first word in the name for this sandwich is "JUMBO" (in bold caps so you know they aren't messing around) the only thing it would dwarf are the organisms fit to eat it; cockroaches. That's actually a pretty big exaggeration but we'll get to the taste a bit later.
Right out of the microwave the sandwich looked like it had been a victim of some cruel flood of monterey jack cheese and ranch dressing. It was almost as if a fire hydrant loaded with dressing and cheese was located under the bun and it had ruptured. Not only that, but in a display defying logic it had managed to coat much of the top part of the bun, almost like the tendrils of a vine growing toward the sun. I'm hoping that liquid was magical and it'll give me super powers so I can turn to a life of crime as a super villain.
Now that I'm into my 3rd week of reviews the surprise at eating something that doesn't taste all that bad is relatively minute. The Monterey Ranch Chicken isn't all that bad. The answer surely is that it's OK because of all the additions to it. Bacon, buckets of ranch dressing, cheese and likely various forms of additional fat. Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay once said he can tell a chef is insecure with his food by how much sauce or condiments they use. Ingredients speak for themselves and I think if the ingredients of the JUMBO Monterey Ranch Chicken spoke English, it'd be in words comprised of monosyllables.
Since they skimped on the bacon, each bite where I managed to miss the lone slice and get only chicken proved to me that the chicken "breast" couldn't carry it's own weight. It was like biting a sponge marinated in chicken stock but with little salt. It really lacked any sort of flavor at all. Plus, it claimed to be chicken breast, but my guess is that though it's chicken breast it was still ground up and formed into a patty. The meat had none of the texture of chicken breast and was far too pliable. Not to be outdone by the chicken, the bun was also dense and spongy.
If ever exterminators need a more effective form of fly paper, look no further than the combination of monterey cheese and ranch dressing used on this sandwich. Since it was all over the bun it was impossible for me not to get it onto my hands. After that, it was impossible to get it off.
The Monterey Ranch Chicken isn't horrible. The taste is OK, but then what doesn't taste good alongside bacon, fatty dressing and cheese? If the overall texture of the sandwich could be improved this would surely be a more appetizing affair.
3/5 bites.
PS: I'll try to find a way to add pics of this sandwich later.
Don't be fooled! Though the first word in the name for this sandwich is "JUMBO" (in bold caps so you know they aren't messing around) the only thing it would dwarf are the organisms fit to eat it; cockroaches. That's actually a pretty big exaggeration but we'll get to the taste a bit later.
Right out of the microwave the sandwich looked like it had been a victim of some cruel flood of monterey jack cheese and ranch dressing. It was almost as if a fire hydrant loaded with dressing and cheese was located under the bun and it had ruptured. Not only that, but in a display defying logic it had managed to coat much of the top part of the bun, almost like the tendrils of a vine growing toward the sun. I'm hoping that liquid was magical and it'll give me super powers so I can turn to a life of crime as a super villain.
Now that I'm into my 3rd week of reviews the surprise at eating something that doesn't taste all that bad is relatively minute. The Monterey Ranch Chicken isn't all that bad. The answer surely is that it's OK because of all the additions to it. Bacon, buckets of ranch dressing, cheese and likely various forms of additional fat. Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay once said he can tell a chef is insecure with his food by how much sauce or condiments they use. Ingredients speak for themselves and I think if the ingredients of the JUMBO Monterey Ranch Chicken spoke English, it'd be in words comprised of monosyllables.
Since they skimped on the bacon, each bite where I managed to miss the lone slice and get only chicken proved to me that the chicken "breast" couldn't carry it's own weight. It was like biting a sponge marinated in chicken stock but with little salt. It really lacked any sort of flavor at all. Plus, it claimed to be chicken breast, but my guess is that though it's chicken breast it was still ground up and formed into a patty. The meat had none of the texture of chicken breast and was far too pliable. Not to be outdone by the chicken, the bun was also dense and spongy.
If ever exterminators need a more effective form of fly paper, look no further than the combination of monterey cheese and ranch dressing used on this sandwich. Since it was all over the bun it was impossible for me not to get it onto my hands. After that, it was impossible to get it off.
The Monterey Ranch Chicken isn't horrible. The taste is OK, but then what doesn't taste good alongside bacon, fatty dressing and cheese? If the overall texture of the sandwich could be improved this would surely be a more appetizing affair.
3/5 bites.
PS: I'll try to find a way to add pics of this sandwich later.
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