I'd be lying if I didn't admit that in some dark corner of my mind I actually thought I might like this sandwich. After all, it quite resembled the lone sandwich I gave a truly good review to, The Big A Angus Charbroil. The patty of beef was absolutely massive, dwarfing the bun that rode below and above it. My keen eye observed a nice looking slice of cheese, nearly hidden below the hood of the bun. Nice looking, for a slice of highly processed cheese that is.
If my spirits were high at first, reality was about offer me the first of several severe bitch slaps to bring me back down to earth. I placed the sandwich in the microwave and left for a moment to refill my cup with some water. When I returned I was struck by an awful smell. It conjured images of beef being boiled in water.
No ... wait.
It conjured images of the brown sludge that sticks to the side of a pot full of water with beef boiling inside. Strangely, when I opened the microwave to remove the sandwich (yes I was still willing to try it, but my resolve was nowhere near as strong) a wave succulent smelling juicy beef aroma washed over me. No, I'm not kidding. It smelled pretty damn good. I lowered my face toward the opening of the sandwich's wrapper. It didn't smell as good, but it still seemed that it had pretty good potential to at the very least come close the Angus.
Skip to a minute or two later and my unwrapping of the sandwich. I could smell the sugary bun. The cheese had exploded in all directions like so much projectile vomit. I stuck a hand in to pry it from the wrapper and was treated to a bun that was thoroughly soaked with grease and cheese. It was like touching a sponge that had been left in a vat of lard. I pulled my hand away.
It felt pretty disgusting.
Knowing I must press on, I eventually worked it free from the wrapper. Cheese dripped from one corner, hardened, and formed a stalactite/mite-like column from the patty to the napkin it sat upon. The familiar feeling of not wanting to eat the sandwich nudged me. Of course I knew I would, but I had to take a moment to collect myself and work up the courage.
Finally, I took a bite, grimacing as the lower half of the bun coated my palm with grease and cheese. Ugh! Once again, totally unseasoned meatloaf was the first thing I thought of, contrasted by sesame seeds that were a near a state of petrifaction. "Hey, YOU try spending the last days of YOUR existence being this close to the BIG AZ Burger," those seeds would surely respond.
Before I could even force myself to swallow, I began an inner debate. How many bites were fair to limit myself to taking? I knew I didn't want any more, but I did want to give the sandwich a fair shot. Against my better judgment I settled on 3. I took another bite, and on the first chew I was treated to a delicious and juicy bite of burger. But that's "bite" as in singular, not plural. That's because after chewing just once my jaw was jarred by a large chunk of bone or tendon or something. My hand instantly shot out for the nearest napkin, edge of my shirt or even jacket, anything capable of holding a mouthful of half chewed Big Az Burger with Cheese on a Bun.
Once rid of the meddlesome burger did I continue on and go for that third bite I promised myself? Fuck no. If there's anything that really grosses me out its bones or gristle in food where it doesn't belong: Ribs? That's Fine. Chicken thighs or drumsticks? Ok. Chicken strips? Nope. Burger ... obviously not.
Unable to take another bite, I put the Big Az where it should have gone in the first place, the Big Az Trashcan in the kitchen by the studio. I had a momentary flash of guilt for wasting the food. I mean, shit, a cow had DIED to become a Big Az Burger. That's when I realized that becoming a Big Az Burger was far more of an insult to the memory of said cow than my throwing the burger away could ever possibly be.
1bite/5
If my spirits were high at first, reality was about offer me the first of several severe bitch slaps to bring me back down to earth. I placed the sandwich in the microwave and left for a moment to refill my cup with some water. When I returned I was struck by an awful smell. It conjured images of beef being boiled in water.
No ... wait.
It conjured images of the brown sludge that sticks to the side of a pot full of water with beef boiling inside. Strangely, when I opened the microwave to remove the sandwich (yes I was still willing to try it, but my resolve was nowhere near as strong) a wave succulent smelling juicy beef aroma washed over me. No, I'm not kidding. It smelled pretty damn good. I lowered my face toward the opening of the sandwich's wrapper. It didn't smell as good, but it still seemed that it had pretty good potential to at the very least come close the Angus.
Skip to a minute or two later and my unwrapping of the sandwich. I could smell the sugary bun. The cheese had exploded in all directions like so much projectile vomit. I stuck a hand in to pry it from the wrapper and was treated to a bun that was thoroughly soaked with grease and cheese. It was like touching a sponge that had been left in a vat of lard. I pulled my hand away.
It felt pretty disgusting.
Knowing I must press on, I eventually worked it free from the wrapper. Cheese dripped from one corner, hardened, and formed a stalactite/mite-like column from the patty to the napkin it sat upon. The familiar feeling of not wanting to eat the sandwich nudged me. Of course I knew I would, but I had to take a moment to collect myself and work up the courage.
Finally, I took a bite, grimacing as the lower half of the bun coated my palm with grease and cheese. Ugh! Once again, totally unseasoned meatloaf was the first thing I thought of, contrasted by sesame seeds that were a near a state of petrifaction. "Hey, YOU try spending the last days of YOUR existence being this close to the BIG AZ Burger," those seeds would surely respond.
Before I could even force myself to swallow, I began an inner debate. How many bites were fair to limit myself to taking? I knew I didn't want any more, but I did want to give the sandwich a fair shot. Against my better judgment I settled on 3. I took another bite, and on the first chew I was treated to a delicious and juicy bite of burger. But that's "bite" as in singular, not plural. That's because after chewing just once my jaw was jarred by a large chunk of bone or tendon or something. My hand instantly shot out for the nearest napkin, edge of my shirt or even jacket, anything capable of holding a mouthful of half chewed Big Az Burger with Cheese on a Bun.
Once rid of the meddlesome burger did I continue on and go for that third bite I promised myself? Fuck no. If there's anything that really grosses me out its bones or gristle in food where it doesn't belong: Ribs? That's Fine. Chicken thighs or drumsticks? Ok. Chicken strips? Nope. Burger ... obviously not.
Unable to take another bite, I put the Big Az where it should have gone in the first place, the Big Az Trashcan in the kitchen by the studio. I had a momentary flash of guilt for wasting the food. I mean, shit, a cow had DIED to become a Big Az Burger. That's when I realized that becoming a Big Az Burger was far more of an insult to the memory of said cow than my throwing the burger away could ever possibly be.
1bite/5
15 comments:
So..., I can't say this stuff is gourmet, but I can't say it's that bad either. I'm usually an organic food maniac, but now I have to seriously question my taste since I actually found this burger to be, well, kind of tasty. I conclude that there's probably something wrong with me. :(
I had one and it was good...I think you may have microwaved the heck out of yours!! All the best.
I have eaten several of these following the 2 minute microwaving instructions and i have never had the cheese melt everywhere like that. I find these to be quite Delicious though i have found bone or gristle in them a couple of times but I have found this in nearly all burgers i have eaten so i cant use that to discriminate. I would suggest trying again and maybe microwave it for less time.
Big AZ burgers are frikkin great! You gotta' microwave meat, bun w/cheese separately for best results.
Big AZ Burger was so good, I went online to look for more. It beat any fast food rest out there, and i thought that was pretty bad.
This burger was great.
They can't make a better gas station burger like this. I ate a whole one and didn't even get the hershey squirts.matter of fact I eat one every other day. bravo BIG AZ BURGERS!!
i just ate one today, gross texture, good taste
these are the best circle K burgers available!!!
they are horribly gross and delicious at the same time. Like a train wreck of precisionly seasoned and processed/pressed soy-beef and a cheese food substance compiled upon stale imported mexican buns from the "Bimbo" corporation.
love these things. but not anywhere near as good as the "White Castle" rigs from the freezer section of the local frys/kroger chains....
jb....
jb
Trick is to nuke only the burger. Put the hot burger back into the cold bun and cheese. Wrap it all up and walk back to your desk.
Open it up and the heat will have gone into the bun and cheese nicely.
Best microwave burger i've had.
Tasty.
I've only had the chicken kinds..but I think its best to put them n the oven. They come out so crispy and toasted
It might suck if you don't have to eat it, but...when you've only got four bucks, no car, the closest McDonalds is a good mile away, and it's either walk a mile in the freezing cold or walk four blocks to the nearby convenience store in the freezing cold, it's an obvious choice. The Big Az isn't really that bad when you're broke and hungry.
I had a Big AZ burger Saturday night. Woke Sunday and had a healthy visit to the toilet. So Sunday i had 2 more. Monday at 3am i woke puking. Followed by a LONG visit to the toilet. Not a pretty site. Followed by more vomit. And more squirts. All day long. Had to call of work. Tuesday, still vomiting. Imodium ad took care of the squirts. Here it is Thursday night, and it still feels like someone kicked me in the stomach. Still feel like puking. Getting better, but still miserable. Stay away from these nasty burgers. I've never felt so bad for so long.
Goddamn 7-11 no longer carries the jalepeno pepperjack big az burger. And instead are now stocking their shelves with these lame 7-11 branded burgers that are half the size and twice the price and probably contain real beef. Ive heard the circle k might still carry this quintesential food.
Yep you are over cooking them, always with any premade sandwich take off the bun do the same with the frozen white castle burgers too. Well actually cook the buns but touch them when they are soft take them off. I agree with you these hamburgers are not that great when it comes to flavor and do taste like boring meatloaf with smoke flavor. Meh?
Now answer me this anyone please. Why do Males like these things so much? Not just men but boys. This boggles my mind, when a real hamburger has soo much more flavor.
The chicken swiss ones are better at least they taste like chicken. I wish to god they'd cut the salt in half before they kill everyone.
You had that calf in the microwave for too long,and you were obviously sober when you are that burger. Cheese obviously cooks, and therefore melts, a lot faster than bread and meat will cook from frozen. Take the cheese out and microwave the burger until there's about 15 seconds left and put it back in. Also you should heat it up from refrigerated, not frozen. I'm guessing there won't be a next time for you, but if there ever is heat from refrigerated, don't cook the burger with the cheese inside the whole time, and get drunk and hungry beforehand. If you do that it is not bad at all really,even though nowadays for around 4 bucks you can hit up a fast food value menu and get just as full with food that is the same quality. And remember that Elsa has given us a real good home here lobster boy.
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