Sunday 28 October 2007

A couple weeks ago I spotted something that blew my mind. It was called the Double Beef Stacker. That probably doesn't sound remarkable, and likely less so once I divulge that the Double Beef Stacker is simply a double cheese burger. What edged this nifty item into shock status is the fact that I didn't spot it in a restaurant but in a vending machine of all places. Sure, it's refrigerated. It's also flanked by not so unusual choices like Lunchables and Hot Pockets. I suppose that's why it stood out, even amongst the other not so typical selections like a knock off of a McRib, and Philly Cheese steak. A vending machine burger strikes me as leaps and bounds outside the norm of what any vending machine could or even should offer.

My curiosity was definitely piqued. After spotting The Double Beef Stacker I began to badger my coworkers to try it. Some laughed, and others seemed revolted by the suggestion. I badly wanted someone to try it so I could find out just how bad it was. In situations such as this it's always better to try and get someone else to be the guinea pig ... which is a talent I think I've possessed all my life, convincing others to do something for my own amusement.

Before I say anything else I need to get something out of the way:

I care about what I eat. I'm the kind of person that, though male, knows how to cook and cooks at home quite often. A normal lunch for me at work is something I've brought from home, cooked by me and relatively healthy. That doesn't mean I'm food obsessed or even that I eat a lot. What it does mean is that I rarely eat fast food (ok closer to never than rarely) and have eaten a lunch gained from spare change and a vending machine only on extremely rare occasions. We're talking maybe 2 or 3 times in the last 4 years.

And no, none of those meals ever involved The Double Beef Stacker.

Today while preparing my lunch I noticed in the garbage can next to the microwave a familiar looking wrapper. Sure enough, it was emblazoned in bold letters with the words: Double Beef Stacker. I could only helplessly wonder, who eats shit like this? How bad does it taste? How can someone be resigned to resorting to a vending machine for each day's lunch? Could the ground beef be any worse than McDonald's grade Z hockey puck patties that are chock full of bone fragments and gristle?

As these questions swirled through my head I thought to myself it'd be funny as hell to try this stuff and then review it. Of course being somewhat conscious of what I eat makes me all the more suited to doing such reviews!

And that's exactly how I plan on using this blog. Each Saturday I'll select a new item from the Wheel of Death aka the vending machine at work and review it here. I'm going to forgo eating the Lunchables and Hot Pockets simply because I already know how they taste and they aren't a horrible choice when stuck with no food and a ravenous appetite at work. Like I said, I've resorted to eating those a handful of times over the last 4 years or so.

Over the next week I'll come up with some sort of rating system and figure out how much of each item I'll force myself to eat (if you think for a second that I'm going to eat an entire Double Beef Stacker or faux McRib you're smoking pipes). Until next week!

PS: I still can't believe I'm going to fucking do this!